a. So often, we witness the daily "side shows".....and we see them as central to the alcoholism....... instead of the alcoholism being the center and the side-shows as side-effects from their primary disease of alcoholism.
This is UNDERSTANDABLE of course-------- these side-shows hurt us so much.
No wonder we focus on them.
But when we go beyond saying that the side-shows are cruel and hurtful------and go to the place where we want the side-shows to be the central focus of treatment for the alcoholic------that's where it all goes down the tubes.
(To read more about all this, please see the "Sept., 2000, Recovery Tip of the Month" and the "Sept., 2001, Recovery Tip of the Month"------both of which explain how the primary disease of alcoholism makes all those side-shows happen.......and what kind of treatment is EFFECTIVE to deal with both the alcoholic drinking and the side-shows.)
b. But there's another type of being 'turned around' that can happen to us as a result of living with the craziness of alcoholism-----
There can sometimes be some VERY serious other issues that have nothing to do with alcoholism------and that's when we tend to discount their importance.
What are some of them?
1. When the alcoholic also has virtually un-treatable personality disorders (there is only a 4% recovery rate for this when the person goes for help). Only a small percentage of the population have personality disorders-----the same with the alcoholic population----only 10% of alcoholics also have this problem.
(One of the most common threads that run through most personality disorders is enjoying hurting others. Now, alcoholics do hurt others------but most of them do not enjoy it. They do it to get their way, but enjoying the process of hurting others is not part of it.)
2. When the alcoholic also has criminality imbedded in the core in his persona.
(a.) Of course, many alcoholics go to jail. But when they chronically go to jail, over and over-------and become acclimated to that life------their very personalities change and they have become "institutionalized". It is then a separate, additional problem to the alcoholism, and extremely difficult to change.
(b.) When the addict (and this happens more with addicts than with alcoholics) prefers the criminal life------even if he does not go to jail----- it is a real uphill battle for him to even want to change. Many addicts wind up preferring the street-life of stealing and not-working. It's not just about getting high. It's living on the edge----and not having to go to work.
3. When the alcoholic also has goals that sobriety will not alter-------such as goals that are so totally counter to your value system and sense of ethics...........
.........That's often when we wish with all our might, that it's "all just alcoholism".
Now, these 'quite serious other issues' are NOT common with most alcoholics........ but when they occur---- part of our recovery is to not discount their presence, and not minimize their impact on us.
This is UNDERSTANDABLE of course-------- these side-shows hurt us so much.
No wonder we focus on them.
But when we go beyond saying that the side-shows are cruel and hurtful------and go to the place where we want the side-shows to be the central focus of treatment for the alcoholic------that's where it all goes down the tubes.
(To read more about all this, please see the "Sept., 2000, Recovery Tip of the Month" and the "Sept., 2001, Recovery Tip of the Month"------both of which explain how the primary disease of alcoholism makes all those side-shows happen.......and what kind of treatment is EFFECTIVE to deal with both the alcoholic drinking and the side-shows.)
b. But there's another type of being 'turned around' that can happen to us as a result of living with the craziness of alcoholism-----
There can sometimes be some VERY serious other issues that have nothing to do with alcoholism------and that's when we tend to discount their importance.
What are some of them?
1. When the alcoholic also has virtually un-treatable personality disorders (there is only a 4% recovery rate for this when the person goes for help). Only a small percentage of the population have personality disorders-----the same with the alcoholic population----only 10% of alcoholics also have this problem.
(One of the most common threads that run through most personality disorders is enjoying hurting others. Now, alcoholics do hurt others------but most of them do not enjoy it. They do it to get their way, but enjoying the process of hurting others is not part of it.)
2. When the alcoholic also has criminality imbedded in the core in his persona.
(a.) Of course, many alcoholics go to jail. But when they chronically go to jail, over and over-------and become acclimated to that life------their very personalities change and they have become "institutionalized". It is then a separate, additional problem to the alcoholism, and extremely difficult to change.
(b.) When the addict (and this happens more with addicts than with alcoholics) prefers the criminal life------even if he does not go to jail----- it is a real uphill battle for him to even want to change. Many addicts wind up preferring the street-life of stealing and not-working. It's not just about getting high. It's living on the edge----and not having to go to work.
3. When the alcoholic also has goals that sobriety will not alter-------such as goals that are so totally counter to your value system and sense of ethics...........
.........That's often when we wish with all our might, that it's "all just alcoholism".
Now, these 'quite serious other issues' are NOT common with most alcoholics........ but when they occur---- part of our recovery is to not discount their presence, and not minimize their impact on us.
From Toby Drews, the author of the million-selling "Getting Them Sober'' books, endorsed by 'dear Abby', Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, and Melody Beattie:
phone 410-243-8352
email tdrews3879@aol.com
www.GettingThemSober.com
phone 410-243-8352
email tdrews3879@aol.com
www.GettingThemSober.com
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