Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Unable to remember they hurt us? They still need make amends

There is no need to even think for a moment that if they don't remember (because of blackouts or brain damage) what they did to harm the family during the drinking days------that it's an excuse not to make amends.

MANY alcoholics who are truly sober and working the Steps in A.A. do not remember what happened--------and when they want to make amends----they ASK the family members to tell them what they did and how it affected them...and how they can begin to make amends to them.

Don't know which one, but in one of the Recovery Tips of the Month (a section on this website), I wrote about how many sober alcoholics begin to heal their relationships with their adult children---------by encouraging their adult children to talk about what they remember and how it affected them. And these truly-sober alcoholics then LISTEN and LISTEN and LISTEN to their children for months--- and months --------and months------without saying in so many words, "get off my back".

They VALIDATE their children.

And they are truly sorry for what they did.......and they spend literally years trying to make the proper amends to their spouses and their kids.

I do not post this because it is an un-common occurence.

I post this because it is a VERY COMMON occurrence with the majority of people in A.A.

One can liken it to what we used to call, in the U.S., years ago, the "silent majority"----------i.e, the regular folks who just do what they are supposed to do------go about their business-----and don't make a fuss about it.

It's the ones who make the headlines that are real b**ta**s------ that are focused on in the news.
But the 'silent majority' are nice people.

It's the same in A.A.

And-------of course, when we are in relationships with the "not-silent minority' of those in A.A. who are NOT making amends-------who don't give a darn about how we felt for decades------- THEY are making "the headlines" on the internet.

We usually find we don't have to post about the nice ones...they're not making our lives a living hell...and therefore we don't need to post to get some support to just get through a day with them. ---love, Toby

































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