Friday, May 27, 2011

What's our process for a MUCH EASIER & QUICKER healing??

a. As I've posted for years------ it is extremely important for us to accept where we are right now.
To not shame ourselves for 'not being where we want to be'.
For shame just adds boulders in our path........totally un-necessary boulders.
Shame does not make us 'move on'-------it just makes us cringe.
b. What DOES help us to become what we want to become-----WITHOUT SHAMING OURSELVES?

What IS that process?

The process is three-fold--------

a. no self-shaming.....and no internalizing shame from others, for "not being where we think 'we should be'

b. never lying to ourselves......i.e., not minimizing about what is really the truth about the situation.
In other words-------- (and this is why I posted about try very hard to see your situation as others who have not been emotionally abused, might see it)----- if we try to REALLY see under our fears-----------and look squarely at the truth-------then we see it MORE CLEARLY.

(Hence, Al-Anon's important primer book, "Al-Anon FACES alcoholism'.......it's all about how we need to be fearless in our looking at REALITY).

And---------when we see reality more clearly----------without shaming ourselves---AND THESE TWO PROCESSES CAN BE TRICKY---BUT IT CAN BE DONE......AND THEY ARE CRITICAL FOR OUR HEALING-------

-------then the VERY KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT WE DO LOOK AT SQUARELY JUST MOVES US ALONG THE PATH OF HEALING---------- WITHOUT HARDLY ANY EFFORT ON OUR PART!
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The denials that we revert to ------put boulders in our path.
The shaming that we take in ----puts boulders in our path.

THESE TWO SENTENCES ARE PROBABLY THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT IN THIS PROCESS.

WE NEED TO DO BOTH........CANNOT REPEAT THIS ENOUGH.
THE NEED TO NOT-SHAME OURSELVES
--------AND-------
THE NEED TO NOT SUBTLY MINIMIZE TO OURSELVES.

DOING JUST ONE OF THEM........ IS A SUBTLE WAY OF AVOIDING OUR HEALING
........AND WE ONLY AVOID OUR HEALING BECAUSE WE DON'T TRULY UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH OUR HEALING WILL BE QUICKER AND EASIER WHEN WE DO BOTH THE STOPPING THE SELF-SHAMING ------AND STOPPING THE SUBTLE DENIALS IN OUR HEADS.

WE ONLY AVOID THESE TWO PROCESSES WHEN WE DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH EASIER IT WILL MAKE OUR INDIVIDUAL JOURNEYS.

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WHICH LEADS RIGHT TO THE QUESTION ---------how do we do this looking squarely at our situations-------without feeling depressed about the TRUE reality?

It's when we KNOW and truly UNDERSTAND that we WILL be moved along the path of healing-----------BECAUSE THAT IS HOW HEALING WORKS------A COMBINATION OF TOTAL SELF-TRUTH AND NOT-SHAMING OURSELVES---------- combined with the knowledge that the universe organizes itself to then move us in ways that we could not have known before----------along healing paths---------
--------when we really really realize this----------internalize that this process is a combination-process that works--------- we can relax into the healing that surely will come.

And before we know it--------we will truly in a real, in an organic way-------ALMOST WITHOUT EFFORT--------be moved along the healing.

And when we KNOW this--------it is then SOOOOOOO much easier to live one day at a time about this, emotionally.......for we know, then, that since WE will be more healed in ways we cannot even imagine-------then we stop feeling trapped..............

.........and that depression lifts........

c. And------- what do we do when we STILL SOMETIMES GET SCARED?...When we hear 'just live in today' or 'just turn it over'---------AND WE "REVERT" ---- AND WE FEEL THAT WE ONCE AGAIN, CAN'T DO THAT???....... That OFTEN happens because we still have not yet learned---or internalized ----- about exactly what happens to the body and brain of the alcoholic...... for when we truly learn-----TRULY INTERNALIZE THE TRUTH-------- about all the in's and out's of his disease
------then he stops looking so powerful to us!......
We INTERNALIZE the truths about his disease------that what comes out his mouth is just the disease------
WE CAN HEAR THAT FROM OLDTIMERS IN AL-ANON------BUT WE OFTEN DON'T BELIEVE IT UNTIL WE REALLY LEARN ABOUT HIS BRAIN AND HOW IT IS AFFECTED TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY BY THE ALCOHOLISM.

So-------how speed up that process?...... Read about this disease....... not only read about how all the daily 'stuff' and how to handle it (that's all detailed in the "Getting Them Sober" books (and 33 of the chapters are excerpted on that section of this website) -------but also read about the physical disease and how it acts on his brain-------read "Under the Influence" by Milam (all about the body/brain of the alcoholic).....
Read and re-read and read again........until the truth about this crazy stuff is internalized.
All of this together--------all three of these processes together----will absolutely "move you along your path of healing--------YOUR INDIVIDUAL PATH-----AT YOUR PACE------IN YOUR TIME-----IN GENTLE KIND WAYS TO YOU"......... hugs, Toby























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